Sry I called you an 8
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I faked an abortion last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
