dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will be naked everywhere
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
