did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
