You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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