Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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