I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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