we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
