there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
