I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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