Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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