I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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