Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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