Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
