It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
