so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
