Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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