just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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