Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
