so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
