I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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