i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
