the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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