thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
