Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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