i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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