I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
