I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
