and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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