Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
