I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
