The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
