How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
