just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
