I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
