Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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