I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
