Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You ate ashes out of my bong
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
