you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know her cup size but not her name....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
