dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
