He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
