oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
