im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
