so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
