dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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