I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
