It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
