i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
