Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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