we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
