It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
