if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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