just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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