Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
