just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
