Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
