Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
