Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
