we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
